Finding Plan B

It’s hard to believe it’s been almost nine months since I wrote the post “Fork in the Road” and I can’t say my feelings have changed much since I wrote it. A lot has happened in this past year, including getting a new job, however I don’t know if I’m any closer to discovering where this new path is leading me. What I have discovered is a great community of women who are in a similar situation as me and it has been helpful to share the burden of this journey with them.

I do not know what this year will hold, but I am committed to getting closer to my Plan B. This holiday season has been very difficult for me, between facing the reality of not being a mom, the loss of my husband’s father, and the loss of my faith, Christmas has not been joyful. Waking up on Christmas day with no children to scurry down to the Christmas tree and open presents left the day feeling empty. The realization that there would never be children to in our home to wake up and see what Santa left behind was almost too much to bear.

I wrote a letter to my children this Christmas, the ones I will never know, and in that letter I promised them that I would take the love and energy I would have lavished on them and do something to make the world a better place. I still do not know exactly what that will look like, but I promise to keep going until I found out. I plan to use this blog to work out my “Plan B” and hope by this time next year to be closer to it. Thank you in advance to all of you who will journey with me.

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